I am a gay man. I knew I was gay from childhood. I did not choose this. It’s the way I am wired. I am not ashamed of who I am, but I know others judge me. I am a Christian and I believe I will be forgiven. But I was made the way I was made. I know there are those who believe I will be damned eternal, but is my sin worse than others? Aren’t we all sinners? I’m interested in your take.
A:
A Response to You, Brother.
Thank you for your honesty. Frankly, it takes quite a bit of courage and vulnerability to ask this question on a public forum, albeit anonymous. And the fact that you’re asking it at all tells me that you haven’t given up on God, and I promise you that God hasn’t given up on you.
Thank you for your honesty. Frankly, it takes quite a bit of courage and vulnerability to ask this question on a public forum, albeit anonymous. And the fact that you’re asking it at all tells me that you haven’t given up on God, and I promise you that God hasn’t given up on you.
You asked whether your sin is worse than others. The answer is, “No.” “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Not most. Not just the broken. Not just the struggling. ALL. All of us need a Savior. The Cross of Christ is not for a tiered system of sinners. All of us, in every aspect of our brokenness, whatever that may be,are level at the foot of the Cross.
But here’s a distinction that matters. You said, “I am a gay man. I knew I was gay from childhood. I did not choose this.” There is a difference between experiencing an attraction and acting on it. This orientation that you’ve felt since childhood is really part of living in a fallen world where all our desires, in different ways for different people, have been distorted from their original intent. That is not unique to you. Every person carries some disordered desires of some kind, whether it be toward control, anger, substances, lust, or approval. It is a result of the fall. But the presence of a temptation is not the same thing as the practice of it. Feeling does not equate doing or being. That doesn’t minimize the struggle; it is not small at all. But it does mean that the struggle doesn’t marginalize you. You aren’t condemned for your experience. What does
Scripture say? “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
Scripture say? “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
You also said, “It’s the way I am wired,” but I want to gently and lovingly push back on that because I think that framing yourself that way may actually be limiting you more than liberating you. It goes to your identity. If being gay is who you think you are fundamentally, then any call to or any attempt to be something other than that feels like an erasure of yourself. But Paul offers two different perspectives: (1) “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20) and (2) “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).Your focus shouldn’t be on the tension between being gay and being straight. Your focus should be on becoming Christlike. And for everyone, married or single, straight or gay,that means to take up their cross daily and submit their desires to the lordship of Jesus Christ. And in terms of relationships, it means fidelity within a biblical marriage (one man, one woman) or celibacy in singleness. Ultimately, the goal is not a particular sexuality; the goal is holiness. So, when your identity is grounded in being in Christ, your prayer can shift from, “God please remove this struggle,” to, “God, when I struggle, show me how You are using this for Your glory, for my good, and for my growth.” As a Christian, through the Holy Spirit, you have the very presence of Christ living inside
you as an Advocate, Comforter, power source. So, you do not have to wrestle through anything alone or by your own willpower. Paul knew what it was to beg God to remove a painful, persistent struggle. God’s answer was not removing the pain; it was revealing His presence: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). And here’s something else Paul tells us and teaches us, “All things are permitted for me, but not all things are of benefit. All things are permitted for me, but I will not be MASTERED by anything.”
you as an Advocate, Comforter, power source. So, you do not have to wrestle through anything alone or by your own willpower. Paul knew what it was to beg God to remove a painful, persistent struggle. God’s answer was not removing the pain; it was revealing His presence: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). And here’s something else Paul tells us and teaches us, “All things are permitted for me, but not all things are of benefit. All things are permitted for me, but I will not be MASTERED by anything.”
Lastly, your struggle does not define you; God’s strength does. God sees you, brother. The question you’re asking is the right one, so come to His throne with boldness. You will find mercy there and grace to help.
Prayer:
Thank You, Father, for empowering me to face whatever challenge comes my way. Help me to remember that when I’m weak, You are still strong, and You can take my hardest struggle or challenge and turn it around for Your glory and my good. Help me to glorify You with all that I am and let my weakness become a window through which Your glory shines. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thank You, Father, for empowering me to face whatever challenge comes my way. Help me to remember that when I’m weak, You are still strong, and You can take my hardest struggle or challenge and turn it around for Your glory and my good. Help me to glorify You with all that I am and let my weakness become a window through which Your glory shines. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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